This Would Never Happen In Canon
by I'm Not Wearing Any Pants
Summary: But who cares. Coming up with something in depth and believable is not something I wish to waste my time on.


Ben 10 is owned by Man of Action. Also, stretching a one chapter length story into several dozen chapters of single paragraphs makes me a better writer. Quantity versus quality, is always the better motto.

We join our dear beloved weirdo extraordinaire, Doctor Animo, within the confines of his same, slummy, stinking apartment, which, for unknown reasons, he has not been kicked out of yet, or ever. He mulled over which of his many stolen animals to genetically enhance into enraged, destructive behemoths.

"Hmm...perhaps you? No, you! No...you!" He pointed to a confused looking ferret before grabbing it from its enclosure. "Ferrets are always fun."

He dialed the AWESOME button on his trusty Transmodulator, and mutated the feisty ferret into a ferociously...fucked up...thing.

"I'm so awesome," he boasted in a self-congratulatory manner. The ferret grew in size, consuming massive amounts of space, until it smashed him against the wall. He hadn't thought to maybe do that outside, where there was more room to breathe. Unfettered, he pulled himself free of the stinky, furry bottom, and climbed on top of his mutant's elongated backside. "Hee haw!" he urged, giving the creature's side a slap. "Let us go murder Ben Tennyson!"

Minutes later, he arrived at the front doorstep of Ben Tennyson's none too humble abode. It was your average warm summer day, and Ben was in the front yard, relaxing in a shallow pool. When he saw his enemy ride up, his smile became a frown. He pulled down the sunglasses which had been covering his eyes.

"Aw, man!" he groaned. "Doctor Animo, again? Can't I have one week where you don't show up to make trouble before I inevitably kick your ass?"

"No!" Doctor Animo shouted defiantly. "This time it is I, Ben Tennyson, who will kick your ass!"

Ben farted with his lips in a derisive manner and rolled his eyes as an accompaniment of his condescending feelings toward the sad, pathetic, freaky codger.

"I got this," Ben muttered while wearing a smug smile. He activated the Omnitrix, and became Diamondhead. He punched the ferret in the face, causing it to squeal and fall over. Doctor Animo landed beneath it.

"Ow, damn it!" Doctor Animo groaned from beneath his vanquished vermin.

"Looks like it back to jail for you, Doctor Do Little. Ha, get it? Do...Little? Because you do so little...when it comes to ever beating me," Ben said while laughing triumphantly.

"Ow, I think my leg is broken," Doctor Animo whined. He wiggled out from beneath his unconscious ferret. He attempted to stand, to no avail. "Ow, yes, it's broken!" He fell back down, hugging his injury.

"Maybe the cops will take you to the hospital before they dump you in jail," responded Ben. He transformed back to his regular adorably obnoxious self.

"Oh, my! There's a poor old man, and he's hurt," said Ben's mother, appearing out of the opened front door. "We'll nurse him back to health."

"What?!" Ben yelled.

Both Ben's mother and father came running out to pick Doctor Animo from the ground and help him inside, even though he resisted.

"Don't worry, we'll take good care of you," said Ben's daddy-o. They both dragged Doctor Animo inside while Ben watched with his mouth agape.

"Release me at once!" shouted Doctor Animo before the door closed.

'What...the...FUCK!" Ben yelled into the air.

Inside Ben's upper middle class dwelling unit, the fantastically strange Carl and Sandra Tennyson had already seated Doctor Animo on the couch, covered him in a blanket, propped his flea and mite infested head with a pillow, handed him a bowl of soup, and etcetera.

Doctor Animo promptly dropped the bowl of soup to the floor, struggled out of the blanket, and glared at the pair of perplexing parents.

"What is wrong with you? I'm a serial urban terrorist slash attempted homicidal maniac! To put it more plainly, I'm a sociopath. I tried to murder various members of your family on multiple occasions, and I tried to mutate the ENTIRE WORLD into various subspecies of creature under my explicit control, also on multiple occasions. And you brought me into your house instead of calling the police to come arrest me after I tried to kill your son. Also, and I must emphasis this, I have tried to kill your son on multiple occasions. For the sake of maddening attempted comprehension, please, indulge me...why would you do this?"

Ben's mom and dad smiled robotically. "Because...it's cute when people are uncharacteristically nice to you, and comfort your hurt even though you do not deserve it, and explore various levels of emotional depth that you, being written as a completely one-dimensional villain, do not have."

"Uh, okay. That's...unsettling, to be completely honest," Doctor Animo said nervously. "You know if the villain sees his own woobification as moderately distressing, it's got to be quite disturbing to everyone else who isn't into that particular brand of fudgery."

"Yes, now let us love you!" Ben's parents declared before rushing to their captive guest with open arms and vapid stares.

"No! Get away!" Doctor Animo yelled before diving under the couch, ignoring his own shooting pain in an attempt to shield himself from the forced compassion of other human beings.

"But we have the Dog Channel," coaxed Carl Tennyson while peeking under the couch flap.

"And National Geographic," said Sandra while cleaning up the spilled soup with her unsettling grin still plastered on her face.

Ben smashed through the front window as XLR8. "Mom, Dad, I'll save you from whatever brain parasite has infected you!"

"We're not infected by any parasite, Ben," they both said to him.

"The hell you aren't!" Ben yelled.

"Tennyson, I can't believe I'm saying this, but THANK GOD you're here," Doctor Animo's voice spoke from beneath the couch. "Get the police! Take me to jail! Don't leave me alone with these freaks! Also, I'm sorry you have to live with them. Maybe I won't be so hard on you, now that I know what you're forced to deal with every day. But probably not, because I'm a fucking sociopath."

"Do my homework first, and we'll call it a deal," said Ben, appearing quickly beside the couch with a piece of paper.

Doctor Animo stuck his dead out. "You failed remedial English? How is that even possible!" Doctor Animo laughed.

"Because I spend all day having to SAVE THE WORLD instead of studying, that's why! Give me a break," Ben whined.

"Your cousin seems to be able to do both," Doctor Animo said. "Why can't you?"

"Shut up, she's not a major character like me, do the math or fuck it! You can stay and maybe my mom will suck your left toe while my dad sucks the right!"

Doctor Animo started to throw up in his mouth. He grabbed the paper while frowning and gagging. He took out a pen and hurried to do the homework.

"How can you do math in pen?" Ben gasped.

"Because...I'm a FUCKING GENIUS!" Doctor Animo declared. "Besides, this is remedial math, for fuck's sake. You think I'm going to make any mistakes?" Doctor Animo finished the paper in about five minutes and handed it back to Ben. "Okay, it's done. Now get me the hell out of here. I don't even care where I end up, as long as it's not here."

XLR8 ran out of the house and to the hospital five miles down. He dropped Doctor Animo on the front steps.

"Okay, here you go, see ya later, LOSER!" he said with a salute before zipping away.

"Hey! This is an animal hospital!" Doctor Animo yelled.

Doctor Animo grumbled. He was about to search for another animal to mutate and try to get home on, perhaps a bird, until the doors opened behind him.

"Oh, look, an old man, and he's injured," said a voice.

"Let's take him in and care for him, like we would any sick animal!" said another.

Doctor Animo turned around to see that same vapid, disturbing look on a pair of male and female veterinary employees as had been on Ben Tennyson's parents.

"Oh no...it passes from character to character! I'm not safe anywhere! Aaaaaaaah!" Doctor Animo shit his pants in fear before he was grabbed and hauled into the vet hospital.

(Ends)


End file.
